Rise and Shine.

Life. A lot of ups and downs. Hopefully more ups. Lately, I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I am the fat kid on the see-saw. When someone comes along to finally buoy my weight, they jump off as I reach the top only to send me plummeting down to bruise my rear. I get just enough of the fresh air up above so that I get a sense of what I am missing as I choke down the dirt littered air kicked up by my fall. Yeah, yeah, I know, the grass is always greener on the other side. A good portion of the time I would agree. It is getting hard, though, not to notice the scorched yard at my feet. Heck, I don't even want to be on the other side. What I would like is a little organic compost and some water to liven up the sod or at the very least something to prop my end of the teeter-totter.

This Award Goes Out To…

It has been a long time again. I know. There has been a lot to write about but when it comes time to put pen to the pad there just isn’t the motivation. Don’t get me wrong. It is not everyday that the cutest, most perfect child in the history of the universe is born, but I would rather spend the time with her and Shannon than write what is most likely to be read by only a handful of people. So what is different about today? Well for starters they are both sleeping and I just got home from a run and don’t want to wake them. Shannon doesn’t get much sleep since Olivia was born (at home, drug free in case you were wondering.) The biggest reason is that I am 27 short hours from the start of what I feel is the most important race that I have ever run in my life. I’ve put in a lot of miles getting ready. I don’t remember being this on edge about competing since the day of the cross-country national qualifier race my senior year of college. That day I broke down in tears as I was doing my final strides before the start. The pressure I put on my self to do well, the work that it took to get to that moment, and the possibility that it could have been my last cross-country race finally became too much. I did okay that day. I probably would have not advanced on my own if the team hadn’t won and qualified as a group for nationals. The marathon, though a very individual event from an outsider’s viewpoint, is very much a team sport. That is why I am taking some time out of what little I have left to prepare to write this. I would like to thank the team of people that make what I am about to do possible. If I do not mention you please do not take offense. I value your encouragement and support more than you could know. I only have a little time and there are a number of individuals that I just could not have done this with out. So in no order of importance and with out further ado…

Mark Elmore. Your guidance, insight, patience, weekly workouts, and most importantly your friendship have been the foundation for this journey I find myself on after meeting you almost 25 years ago. I wish more people could feel your influence and your passion for our sport.

Shannon Drowne. You are my wife, best friend, and the best thing to ever happen to me. Your undying belief in me, and your support keep me going. I, more than anyone, know the sacrifices you make. I hope that I can do the same for you soon and make all your derby dreams come true.

Kashmire. My feline daughter (RIP,) I find strength in your memory. Whatever the outcome tomorrow, I feel it will still be a victory and I dedicate it in your honor. I miss you everyday.

Matthew Drowne. My little brother with a heart bigger than anyone I know. If Boston were at the South Pole you would be there. You are a better runner than me and I hope that some day soon we can show everyone what you can really do.

James Brown. I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you. You see something in me that I am not even sure I do. Thank you so very much for that. Now if only you believed me when I told you what I see in you. I wish you the best of luck in Lake Placid.

Daniel and Brenda Drowne. My parents. I can’t say enough. You make ridiculously long trips to catch a glimpse of me for 15-20 seconds. I can hear dad a half mile away. Everyone needs support like that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Like an Academy Award winner giving an acceptance speech, I could go on until the guy behind the curtain cues the music and gets a well-dressed individual to escort my butt off the stage. Unfortunately I only have a little time left to get ready for the storm that is The Boston Marathon. I know that probably everyone reading this has already done so, but wish me luck. Boston here I come.

Driving Down Memory Lane

As I write this I find myself sitting in the passenger side of my wife’s car on another trip north to Plattsburgh for work tomorrow. Not too much longer and the only time I will be making this trip is to see friends and family. It is a time that I am eagerly anticipating. The better part of a year has flown by. Some of it was good and some of it not so. I think that as a result of this time I have grown as an individual. I have learned more about myself, witnessed the strength of my marriage, and felt a small shift in my beliefs about the nature of the universe. On the eve of the birth of my first human child I hope, as so many parents before me have, that I can pass on what I have learned. At the same time I want to avoid being that parent that projects my image of what I think should be on my daughter (or in the event that we are wrong; son.) I want her to grow and form her own point of view based on her own experiences and choices. When she is my age I hope that she can reflect on her youth in that magical 1970’s Technicolor of memories and remember Shannon and I as positive and supportive, not overbearing and overprotective. I would very much like for those years to be filled with events worth looking back on with nostalgia. I am sure that no parent would ever wish anything other than that, but that doesn’t stop me from wishing it just the same. So until then; here is to a future past hopefully teeming with love.

runnin' on empty

ah…it has been a while. what, might you ask, has been going on? why no post in such a long time? well i am glad you asked my faithful reader(s). to your questions i respond; "quite a bit" and "see the answer to question number one." where to begin? well how is this for starters? right around the time i last posted to this blog, shannon and i found out that we will be having a child. it is true. two out of three pregnancy tests confirmed it. we're still not sure what was up with that third one. this news has been greeted with what seems to be sincere excitement from a good number of people. i have been congratulated by a good number more. i have been filled with excitement and fear and great deal of stress. neither of our jobs offers health insurance and we don't seem to qualify for any other programs so all the expenses will be coming right out of our pockets.

i have also been logging more running miles than any other time since my junior year in college. when my work schedule allowed i also managed to participate in several races. two of my favorites; the utica boilermaker, and the run for jon in peru, ny, and a new one for me, the wineglass marathon in corning. while i have turned in some decent results, most notably a second in corning, the road back to "fitness" is proving to be a rocky one. my body doesn't recover like it used to and long work weeks combined with higher miles leaves me feeling beaten and exhausted. somehow i don't remember it being so hard back in college. still i guess i am doing okay. other people seem to think so anyway.

sprinkle in the mix work schedules with hours ranging up to the upper fifties and two hour one way commutes and there ends up very little time left in the week for anything else.

i know it doesn't seem like much when it is actually written out, but it sure feels like a lot. on top of it all though, i feel grateful. grateful because i have my wife, friends, and family who support me, believe in me, and make it all worth while.

birthday

today was my daughters birthday. she would have been 11.

View from a Widow.

About a year ago, right after my wife and I were laid off from work, we decided to take in a double feature at the Malta Drive-In to get our minds off the current events of our lives. Not fifteen minutes after parking our car I found myself in the building housing the concession stand gathering napkins for the very large tub of popcorn which I had only moments before purchased. Looking up from the counter, about to head back to the car for the start of the first film, my eyes happened upon a stack of flyers. Roller Derby information night. At that moment I was transported back to the days of summer vacation right after my parents first got cable tv. Visions of scantly clad women pummeling each other while skating around a track danced in my head. I don't know what possessed me, but I picked one up.
Back at the car, I slid into the driver's seat handing my wife the tub of popcorn and the flyer. I don't know if we had ever talked about derby or if she had expressed interest but I figured that she might get a kick out of it at the very least. To say that she was excited is an understatement. To say that was the best thing to happen that night is also an understatement (of the two movies only one was marginally ok and our car battery died.) It was decided that we would attend the information night even before the first film started to roll.
The Albany All Stars were hosting the informational event in conjunction with one of their practices. From time to time one of the team's members would skate over to the crowd and tell us what was going on, talk about derby, and answer any questions. By the end of the evening I could see a sparkle in my wife's eyes and I wondered what picking up that flyer had gotten us into. She was sold on derby. By the end of the week she had purchased a beginners package from one of the suprisingly many online retailers of all things roller derby. Unfortunately the sudden loss of my second job in several months led to the shelving of Shannon's roller derby dreams due to the lack of health insurance. She would not be deterred and when we discovered that a new team, the Hellions of Troy, was having a bout in Glens Falls, we went to find out how she could join. Insurance or no insurance she had an itch and it would be scratched. The Hellions welcomed her with open arms and so my wife became "Sonic Euthanizer" and I began my time as a "derby widow."
With practice several times a week, charitable activities, and participation in the actual business side of derby, spouses and significant others get very little time together with their individual derby girl and as such are dubbed widows. For me it feels twice as bad due to working away from home most of the week. I wouldn't have it any other way though. The women who are part of this team are more than just teammates, they are family to my wife. Derby is more than just a fun thing to do, it is a support system and a chance to be a positive part of society. With bruises too many to count, black eyes, dislocated shoulders, aches and pains, and broken tail bones, these women carry on when most of us would give up. As individuals, members of the local community, and athletes, I am proud of my wife and all the rest of the Hellions. It is amazing to see them grow as a team and how important derby is to each of them. If you are a woman looking for something life changing; look no further than derby. I am sure that there is a league near you or soon will be.

The Year in Rearview

So...I got a couple extra days off this week. Sounds good right? Normally I would agree if the days off were not the result of a crash while riding my bike. (For future reference if i every mention my bike I never ever mean a motorcycle.) It occured to me late Sunday evening, as I sat icing the lump on the back of my head, that it was exactly one year to the day from the point where my life seemed to take a nose dive. That is not to say that everything that has taken place over the last 365 days has been bad. There have been some definite ups. I know that I can be abrasive and hold on to things that make me upset. I have been getting better and generally I have begun to be more positive. At the risk of imitating Andrew over at the Goodbye Blue Mondays blog and in the spirit of getting things off my chest, moving forward, and putting the past to rest; I now present you with the my own tops and bottoms list.


Bottoms

1. Losing my feline daughter
2. Getting laid off the same day as my wife from the same place
3. Getting ditched by the people I thought were friends, who used to work with me at said place (Maybe it was my Jerry Maguire exit when I was told it was the logical thing to lay us both off. Maybe some people should position their feet in other peoples shoes.)
4. Being laid off from my next job the day before my insurance was to kick in
5. Getting caught behind a crash in the Marshall and Sterling Racing City Grand Prix, having to chase and crashing myself, and then attempting to continue only to crash again when security line tape got caught in my handlebars a la Lance Armstrong and a spectators musette bag.
6. (Doesn't really count because it happened day 367) I found out that I may have a condition that causes infertility. Shannon and I are not planning on having any children but it can be upsetting to find out that we don't really have the option if we wanted to.

Tops

1. My grandmother recovering after a week of scary post operation days
2. My first podium placing day one of the 2008 Tour of the Catskills (I blew it for the overall podium the next day but it still felt really good)
3. Second in my age group at the United States National Snowshoe Championships
4. Finally having a good paying job again
5. Saabs are no match for a Lazer helmet
6. The 2009 Corning-Wineglass Marathon (I am feeling good about how it is going to go. Wait and see.)

So there it is. Here is to bigger and better things.