looking up

a little over three years ago i almost ran in front of a very large moving object…on purpose.  had my wife not been with me at the time there is a very good chance that it would have happened.  not a day has gone past that i haven't been thankful that she was there.  so many great events have happened and amazing people have crossed my path that the adversities and grief that led to that one moment have been put in a new perspective.  that is not to say that the events that had transpired mattered any less, just that i have found ways to cope and thrive within my times of difficulty.  rediscovering running has been an immense help.  it has given me destinations to keep moving toward and a sense of accomplishment.  focusing on the next workout or race keeps me from becoming overwhelmed by the long term goals and moves me in the right direction.  when i feel like i am stuck in a rut dragging the mail around day after day it is good to have something to snap me out of it.  most of the time going for a run does just that.  sometimes all i need to do is to look up when walking past a tree that i have gone by a thousand times before to get a different view.
occasionally i am reminded that not everyone has been as fortunate as i, to have the wife, daughter, family, and friends that i do, or have found ways to live with the intensity that life will throw at you.  about a month ago i ran in and won a half marathon.  you would assume that when i think of that day i would be happy.  instead i find myself thinking about how i later learned that while i was running my warm-up i passed within three homes of a young man who was taking his own life.  i did not know him.  i do not know anything about what his situation was like.  what i do know is that it is a terrible thing to feel like you can't live in this moment and the next one is unthinkable.  a life is made up of so many moments.  each one a little step to a bigger goal.  having been so close by, i wish that there was something that i could have done to change the outcome that day.  i know there wasn't anything i could have done but that doesn't stop me from feeling the way i do.  if you are reading this and you ever feel like life is too much to take, try to find solace in the fact that you are not alone.  this moment will pass and there will be another right behind it and then another and another.  get moving.  get out of the house.  call anyone.  don't let that one tiny moment be the one that defines you.  eventually something will happen that will make you glad you did.

Thank you Shannon for saving my life.